She slapped my bottom - in front of all the other women in the kitchen showroom

Here's a letter from Bruised, of Tooting Bec

"Dear Problem Lady,

I love my wife, and do everything I can to honour and obey her.

But sometimes she treats me like dirt. The other day, she dragged me to a kitchen showroom. What do I know about kitchens? It's not as if my opinion matters anyway. She wears the trousers, especially on matters of kitchen designs. I couldn't stand up to her if I knew how to.

Anyway, we're in this showroom, and the sales lady is talking designs to She WHo Must be Obeyed. When Alpha Saleswoman does talk to me, it's some patronising remark like "ooh, you'll be able to cook her breakfast, won't you" followed by "he can cook, can't he? Oh, you have got him well trained."

Anyway, I needed to rebel, so I made out my shoe-laces needed tying, and while I was down there, I tickled Her foot.

When I got up, she had a spatula in her hand. I couldn't believe what she did next.

She told me to stretch over the counter. While I was obeying her command, she gave me a mighty slap on the bottom.

"Behave yourself darling," she said. To further my embarrassment, all the other women in the showroom spontaneously applauded.

Has feminism gone too far?


Dear Bruised,

Feminism hasn't gone far enough, as far as I'm concerned.

You took a vow to love, honour and obey. Now get on with it.

Never criticise a woman until you've walked a mile in her shoes

Ambitious, of Fenchurch, asks "Can I do a woman's job as well as her?"

You know the old Chinese saying? Never criticise anyone until you've walked a mile in their shoes?

I know what that means now.

Isabella, our marketing director, is going on maternity leave.

Having spent my life taking orders from her, I was convinced I could do her job.

So I went to see Debbie, the HR lady, to make discrete enquiries. To my horror, she got straight onto her friend on the phone.

"Hi, Isabella," she says, "I've got someone here who wants to step into your shoes."

When they'd both stopped laughing, they seemed to be cooking up some scheme, where I'd have to "shadow" my boss, watching what she does, and emulating it.

Apparently, being a marketing goddess isn't just about "talking crap in meetings" as I'd put it. Ninety per cent of the job is the preparation. How you look, what you wear, how you present yourself. I fear I may have to pay for my lack of respect.

"Are you prepared to spend a week in my shadow?" She asked, when I was summoned to her office. "Could you literally step into my shoes tomorrow?"

Well, I'm about to find out.

Does anyone have any tips?

African godess got my goat

One reader tells how he came to worship African women

Last Christmas, I bought a goat for an African village.

Well this Xmas, I'm not doing so well financially. It's pretty obvious they want to get rid of me at work. When they ask you to spend a week at the Zimbabwe branch, to "see how you like working in Harare", it's obvious your number's up.

While I was out there, I thought I'd check on my little goat.

So I found my way to the village my little life saving goat had been despatched to.

I was a bit nervous, to be honest. If my goat really could 'feed a village for a year', I was expecting to be mobbed by grateful villagers when I got there.

So I had a few drinks on the way.

But when I arrived at the village, there was no welcoming party, no grateful women offering themselves to me. Not even a statue in my honour.

I don't know if it was the drink affecting me, but I had a mood swing. If they can't show any gratitude to me, I thought, I'm having my goat back.

I'm wrestling this goat out of a paddock when suddenly this gorgeous african women appears.

At last I thought, she's going to offer herself to me.

But no. To my surprise, she started slapping me.

Now, I'm usually handy in a fight, but I must admit, she got the better of me on the day. I'm not making excuses, but I was tired, and maybe she wanted it more than me.

Otherwise, I'd never have been over powered so quickly. Or pinned down helplessly. Or taken such a prolonged spanking from her.

Out of respect, I spent the next seven days helping her out. You know the routine, kneeling at her feet, kissing her bottom when required, being used by the other women.

But I wasn't their slave, no matter what that policewoman said, when she came and collected me.

Anyway, having seen how they live, I really admire those African women now. I would have done anything for them anyway. Being over-powered, and taking a spanking, had no bearing either way.